Women's Silence in the Church

By David Sheats

The question of women speaking in the church has generated much discussion and controversy among Christians. This message examines God's design for men and women beginning in Genesis and traces that design through the New Testament. God's order is not based on superiority or inferiority, but on His purpose and design. Particular emphasis is placed on the relationship between Christ and His church, the order established by God in creation, and the spiritual principles of authority, submission, and service. As each member functions according to God's design, the church is strengthened, Christ is honored, and God's glory is more fully revealed.

Table of Contents

- Introduction

- God's Design in Creation

- The Flow of Authority in Creation

- Spiritual Authority

- Seeing the Church as the Body (or Bride) of Christ

- Has God Called Women to a Place of Public Ministry?

- Some Additional Encouragement

Introduction

b''

b'"Let your women keep silent in the churches, for\r\nthey are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also\r\nsays. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at\r\nhome; for it is shameful for women to speak in church" (1 Cor. 14:34-35).'

b'In churches\r\ntoday, this seems to be an extremely controversial subject. This scripture is\r\noften explained as applying only to the Corinthian church. We are told that the\r\nwomen in Corinth were noisy, shouting across the aisle to their husbands and\r\nmaking a commotion. Thus, Paul was seeking to bring order to that assembly, but\r\nhis instruction does not really apply to us today.'

b'However, we have\r\nanother instruction from Paul in his letter to Timothy: "Let a woman\r\nlearn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or\r\nto have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first,\r\nthen Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into\r\ntransgression. Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue\r\nin faith, love, and holiness, with self-control" (1 Tim. 2:11-15).'

b"When facing\r\nsubjects like this, I think one of our mistakes is to focus on a specific verse\r\nthat says either something we like or something we don't like, without going\r\nback to the foundation to try to understand God's mind in it. We end up arguing\r\nabout something that seems unreasonable to us, trying to resolve the question\r\nwith logic, history, or arguments from the scriptures and other resources. This\r\ncan lead us into confusion or even serious error, and we may miss God's pathway\r\nfor us, along with its corresponding blessings. So in considering this\r\nquestion, I would like to begin in Genesis for a foundation."

b''

God's Design in Creation

b'"And the Lord God said, \'It is not good that man\r\nshould be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.\' Out of the ground\r\nthe Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and\r\nbrought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called\r\neach living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to\r\nthe birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was\r\nnot found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to\r\nfall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the\r\nflesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made\r\ninto a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: \'This is now bone\r\nof my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was\r\ntaken out of Man. \'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be\r\njoined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked,\r\nthe man and his wife, and were not ashamed" (Gen. 2:18-25).'

b'Here we have the\r\norigin of the man-woman relationship as designed by God. We were told earlier\r\nthat God created Adam from the dust of the earth, and now He creates woman out\r\nof man. God takes something out of Adam when He creates Eve, then He brings Eve\r\nback to Adam and defines the relationship between them. Eve was created as a "helper\r\ncomparable to him" and God said that "they shall become one flesh."\r\nIn my words, what God removed physically from Adam when He created Eve is\r\nbrought back to Adam in relationship. In this foundational truth we see not\r\nonly the essential mystery of marriage (see Eph. 5:32), but God\'s design for\r\nhow a husband and wife should relate to one another. God created them to\r\nfunction perfectly together as "one flesh."Although the specific\r\nstatement here is about husbands and wives, I believe the same principle\r\napplies generally to how God wants men and women to relate to each other. This\r\nneeds more expansion, which we will seek to do later. I believe we experience\r\nthe fullness of God\'s blessings only as we understand and live in God\'s plan. '

b'When Paul\r\ninstructs husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:22-33, he bases it on the Genesis\r\naccount. He then expands this to apply to the relationship of Christ with the\r\nchurch. Quoting just a part of this: "For we are members of His body,\r\nof His flesh and of His bones. \'For this reason a man shall leave his father\r\nand mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.\' This\r\nis a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church"\r\n(Eph. 5:30-32). Notice the central idea of "oneness." The husband and\r\nwife become "one flesh," as Christ and the church also become "one\r\nflesh." Paul says that as members of the body of Christ, we are "of\r\nHis flesh and of His bones." We will come back to this later, but seeing\r\nthe husband and wife as "one" in God\'s eyes is really the\r\nfoundational truth that should control everything else. We see "two "\r\n(physically) but God sees "one." Accepting God\'s design and our place\r\nin that design brings the fullness of God\'s purpose and grace into a marriage. '

b"Again, the\r\nhusband/wife relationship parallels and demonstrates the relationship between\r\nChrist and His church (His body). I believe if we can begin to comprehend God's\r\nthought in all of this, it will form the basis for answering many other\r\nquestions. Did God have in mind the final marriage of Christ to His bride (Rev.\r\n21:2) when He created Adam and Eve? I believe He did. God is moving with\r\npurpose through the ages, and He will not fail to achieve His goal. He will\r\nhave a bride for His Son. My point is that God is not affected by culture, or\r\nby the ideas and the reasoning of man. His plan for reaching His purpose is\r\nfixed, and does not change with time or culture."

b'What does change\r\nis people and their concepts, when they allow the world (which is under the\r\nsway of the wicked one) to influence their vision and direct their ways. The\r\nchurch is to be the "pillar and ground of the truth," as it is under\r\nthe authority of Christ. But when we allow ourselves to be pushed into\r\nconformity with the world, we are no longer the "salt and light" that\r\nGod intends us to be. The enemy is behind this. Satan\'s ultimate purpose is to\r\nrob Christ of His inheritance, and he stops at nothing to achieve it. He struck\r\nat God\'s order in Genesis when he moved past Adam and deceived Eve, and his\r\ntactics have never changed. He is out to destroy both the natural family and\r\nthe family of God. A prime tactic of his is to overturn God\'s design in the\r\nfamily. If he can do that, he can destroy churches and the individual lives\r\nthat make up the family of God. '

b''

b"Again, the\r\nhusband/wife relationship parallels and demonstrates the relationship between\r\nChrist and His church (His body). I believe if we can begin to comprehend God's\r\nthought in all of this, it will form the basis for answering many other\r\nquestions. Did God have in mind the final marriage of Christ to His bride (Rev.\r\n21:2) when He created Adam and Eve? I believe He did. God is moving with\r\npurpose through the ages, and He will not fail to achieve His goal. He will\r\nhave a bride for His Son. My point is that God is not affected by culture, or\r\nby the ideas and the reasoning of man. His plan for reaching His purpose is\r\nfixed, and does not change with time or culture."

b'What does change\r\nis people and their concepts, when they allow the world (which is under the\r\nsway of the wicked one) to influence their vision and direct their ways. The\r\nchurch is to be the "pillar and ground of the truth," as it is under\r\nthe authority of Christ. But when we allow ourselves to be pushed into\r\nconformity with the world, we are no longer the "salt and light" that\r\nGod intends us to be. The enemy is behind this. Satan\'s ultimate purpose is to\r\nrob Christ of His inheritance, and he stops at nothing to achieve it. He struck\r\nat God\'s order in Genesis when he moved past Adam and deceived Eve, and his\r\ntactics have never changed. He is out to destroy both the natural family and\r\nthe family of God. A prime tactic of his is to overturn God\'s design in the\r\nfamily. If he can do that, he can destroy churches and the individual lives\r\nthat make up the family of God. '

b''

The Flow of Authority in Creation

b'When considering\r\nthe relationship between men and women, both in the family and in the church, I\r\nbelieve the central issues revolve around authority. Conflicts are very often\r\nconflicts of authority. The origin can be traced to Satan himself when he said,\r\n"I will no longer be under the authority of God. Instead I will rise up\r\nand be like the Most High" (see Isaiah 14:12-15). From then until now,\r\nSatan has been at war with God, seeking to turn all he can against God and His\r\nauthority in their lives.'

b'Paul expresses\r\nGod\'s flow of authority as follows: "But I want you to know that the\r\nhead of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ\r\nis God" (1 Cor. 11:3). Paul goes on to make application of this truth\r\nabout men and women, but for now I want to focus on that one statement. First,\r\nnotice that it does not relate to who is more important. Paul says, "God\r\nis the head of Christ." We do not think less of Christ because He took His\r\nappointed place under God. All through His earthly ministry, Jesus submitted\r\nHimself to His Father. He said He did not do His own will, but submitted\r\nHimself to do the will of His Father. We do not think Christ to be inferior\r\nbecause He did that, but rather we think more highly of Him! (See Philippians\r\n2:5-11.) '

b"When Paul says\r\nthat man is the head of woman, it is in the same light. Woman is not of less\r\nimportance or worth; this is simply a statement of God's creation design for\r\nman and woman, and He has fitted both perfectly for this relationship. All He\r\nasks is that men and women accept their God-given roles, then function in their\r\nroles by faith. God's promise is to bless them if they will. And just as Christ\r\nwas lifted up and given a name above every other name, woman will also be\r\nlifted up and partake of the blessings and glory of God as she accepts her\r\nplace in God's plan. "

b"Satan came to\r\nChrist to tempt Him to exalt Himself in miraculous ways (see Luke 4:1-13). But\r\nChrist refused the offer of the enemy and chose to go God's way, which was\r\nCalvary (Phil. 2:5-11). It was not an easy way, but it was God's chosen will\r\nfor Him. Likewise, the enemy came to Eve to draw her away from what God had\r\ncommanded. She believed the lie of Satan and was deceived. She then became the\r\ninstrument of Satan to pull Adam down with her. Paul says that Eve was\r\ndeceived, but Adam was not. He knew what he was doing; thus, God held him\r\naccountable for leading the whole human race into sin. "

Spiritual Authority

b'When we begin to\r\nspeak about authority, we may have a very different view from God\'s. Jesus must\r\nbe our example, and He exercised His authority as a servant. "So when\r\nHe had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to\r\nthem, \'Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and\r\nyou say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your\r\nfeet, you also ought to wash one another\'s feet. For I have given you an example,\r\nthat you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a\r\nservant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he\r\nwho sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them\'"\r\n(John 13:12-17).'

b'Natural authority\r\n(that which originates in man) is often dictatorial and self-serving. Spiritual\r\nauthority does not consider self but the good of the other. The flow of God\'s\r\nauthority is the grace of God to serve and lift up. "Husbands, love\r\nyour wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that\r\nHe might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word..."\r\n(Eph. 5:25-26) A husband who is moving in the love and grace of God considers\r\nhis wife as one with himself, and thus treats her as he would his own body.\r\nWhen this vision begins to control us, I think we will be on our way to\r\nunderstanding God\'s mind in the husband/wife relationship.'

b'Looking at the\r\nquestion of authority from the wife\'s viewpoint, we have this instruction: "Wives,\r\nsubmit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the\r\nwife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.\r\nTherefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to\r\ntheir own husbands in everything" (Eph. 5:22-24). Again notice that\r\nChrist is the example. The spiritual truth demonstrated by Christ and His\r\nchurch is to be applied in the family. To do this, the wife must be moving in\r\nfaith before God. If she is submitting "as unto the Lord," then\r\nspiritual grace and wisdom will be hers. The foundation of her submission is\r\nChrist as her Lord, and with this confidence she expresses that submission in\r\nher relationship with her husband. However, if only her husband is in view, her\r\nsubmission will likely be on a natural level, where personality, self-interest,\r\nand natural ability dominate rather than the grace of God and the vision of\r\nChrist and His church.'

b"If a husband is\r\nlaying down his life as Christ did, and his wife is submitting with God in\r\nview, then God's love will be governing and He will be glorified. But what if\r\nthe husband is not moving in the love of God or the wife is not submitting as\r\nGod designed? The challenges are real, but there is still a way. Each one\r\n(either husband or wife) can still move in their God-appointed place, believing\r\nin Him to make the difference. The love of God was victorious over the enemy at\r\nCalvary. Godly submission is powerful (see 1 Peter 3:1-6). No matter how\r\ndifficult the situation seems, remember that God's grace is far beyond human\r\npower and comprehension. God is not limited by human reasoning and resources,\r\nnor does He change His design to fit personality or circumstances. His plan is\r\nfixed, and He will bless those who move within His order in faith before Him. "

b'While many would\r\nagree on God\'s design for man and woman in the natural family, some have\r\ntrouble applying that same truth to the family of God. Sometimes the\r\njustification for this is that the words for "woman" and "wife"\r\nare the same word in the New Testament and must be translated based on context.\r\nThus, some see the instruction in 1 Corinthians 11 as applying only to the\r\nhusband/wife relationship. But if we step back and look at the overall working\r\nof God, I believe we will see consistency from Genesis to Revelation, and\r\nharmony between the natural family and the spiritual family. Let us look at\r\nthings from a higher point of view, and I think objections will disappear and\r\nwe will see how God\'s design applies in both. '

Seeing the Church as the Body (or Bride) of Christ

b'When we begin to\r\napply the truth we are considering to men and women in general, especially in\r\nthe church (not just to husbands and wives), problems are often a result of our\r\nconcept of the church. Many people think of the church as an organization or a\r\nprogram (a meeting). We "go to church" or to a "service."\r\nWhen we use those terms, it reveals that we do not see the church as the body\r\nof Christ or the bride of Christ. Instead of seeing ourselves as "members,"\r\nwe see ourselves as either spectators or participants in a program. For\r\nexample, in some settings women are prominent in leading the praise time, in\r\nways such as singing. Women can certainly sing and lead singing, and we reason\r\nthat it is proper for women to be involved in that way since they are not "teaching"\r\nor exercising authority over men. '

b'But the church is\r\nnot primarily a meeting. It is not an organization, but rather an organism that\r\nis alive with the life of God. One area we need to rethink is this: what does\r\nit mean to come before God as a body, as the church? It is one thing to meet in\r\na home for informal fellowship, to have a Bible study or a time of prayer. But\r\nwhen the whole church comes together before God as one body, is there not a\r\ndifferent focus? I believe that is the context Paul had in mind when he said, "Let\r\nthe women keep silent." When reading 1 Corinthians 11-14, take notice of\r\nthe phrases "when you come together" and "when the whole church\r\ncomes together," such as in 14:26, shortly before the verse we are considering.'

b'The church comes\r\ntogether not primarily to meet with each other, but to meet with God. The whole\r\nemphasis of scripture is that God has ordained men to give the leadership in\r\nthe church. When men pray in the church, they are giving voice for the whole\r\nbody as they address God. And when men speak to the church, they are commanded\r\nto speak as an oracle of God (1 Peter 4:1). The scripture clearly teaches that\r\nGod has called men to function in leadership under the authority of Christ by\r\nthe Holy Spirit. '

b'I believe the\r\nreal need is for a spiritual vision of what God is doing and how He is working\r\nin the church (see Ephesians chapters 1-3, especially 1:22-23, and 2:19-22).\r\nThis takes a miracle of revelation from God (Eph. 1:15-21). The church is not a\r\nnatural working. It is a spiritual working, empowered by the Holy Spirit\r\nworking in and through men and women, preparing us as the bride of Christ to be\r\nmarried to Him for all eternity. When we are before God, being led by the Holy\r\nSpirit, we will not need a "worship team." The Holy Spirit indwelling\r\nus will bring forth worship that will bless the heart of God. Will the sisters\r\nbe part of that worship? Absolutely, but they will not be leading it. They will\r\nbe at rest in their God-given place, rejoicing as the brothers take their place\r\nof responsibility in leadership as the Holy Spirit inspires and directs. The\r\nHoly Spirit will bring forth worship that exalts Jesus Christ as Lord, worship\r\nthat pleases God.'

b'So why does this\r\nseem so hard? Why is there so much contention over this? I think a root cause\r\ncan be found in Paul\'s instruction in 1 Corinthians chapters 1 and 2. I\r\nencourage us to consider all of that section carefully before God, but I will\r\nonly quote these verses: "...that no flesh should glory in His presence"\r\n(1 Cor. 1:29). "For I determined not to know anything among you except\r\nJesus Christ and Him crucified" (1 Cor. 2:2).'

b'Applying the\r\ntruth in this section of scripture to our topic, God does not accept any\r\nexpression of man, or "flesh," as we are gathered unto Him. He only\r\naccepts what is of Christ. Paul\'s testimony was, "I am crucified with\r\nChrist" (see Gal. 2:20). God has rejected anything that is according to\r\nour inheritance from Adam. Our place is to agree with God\'s verdict and walk by\r\nfaith in the life of God. This is not easily done, because there is something\r\nin us naturally that wants to rise up and be heard, to express self. For all of\r\nus to have the same testimony as Paul (I am dead) takes a real dealing with\r\nGod. I encourage all of us not to pass this by too quickly, for in this truth\r\nis the answer to many of our problems. '

b'Why might sisters\r\nfeel they must speak when the church is gathered in the presence of God? They\r\nmay believe they have received something from God to share, or that the men are\r\nfalling short. It can be difficult to remain quiet and trust God to bring truth\r\nthrough the brothers. They may feel that they are also spiritual and they hear\r\nGod just as the brothers do, but find themselves competing with the men. They\r\nmay be completely sincere and have no wrong motives at all.\xc2\xa0 But God has designed that women show their\r\nspirituality in this way: "Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging\r\nthe hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--rather let it be the hidden\r\nperson of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet\r\nspirit, which is very precious in the sight of God" (1 Peter 3:3-4).\r\nGod is not pleased with competition, but rather when both men and women take\r\ntheir God-given places. This is very pleasing to God.'

b'But what if the\r\nbrothers do not take their place? Might they also be unspiritual? Absolutely.\r\nBut when the women try to make up for the lacks of the men, the response is\r\noften this: "Okay, let them do it. Anyway, I feel inadequate, and they are\r\ndoing a good job, so I will just be quiet."The quieter they are, the more\r\nthe sisters get frustrated and do more. And the end of it all is a gathering\r\nthat is contrary to what God desires. There may be a lot of activity, but God\r\nis not just looking for activity. He wants a bride prepared for her husband. He\r\nis looking for submission to His authority and will. The application of the\r\ncross means that there is no expression of natural man or the will of man (and\r\nwoman), but only an expression of the life and will of God. '

b'It may seem that\r\nI am against the sisters. I am not, and neither is God. I am saying that the\r\nglory of God is only seen when both men and women take their God-given places\r\nin faith. When they do, submitting to the authority of the head (Christ), led\r\nby the Holy Spirit (who is preparing the bride to be married to Christ Jesus\r\nfor eternity), then God will be glorified. That does not come all at once. The\r\nflesh (what we are according to Adam) does not die easily. But can we see\r\nbeyond the natural into the eternal purpose of God, and can we see how God\r\nwants that purpose to be worked out now? Again, this takes spiritual revelation\r\nthat only God can give, but He will give it to those who are willing to pay the\r\nprice (see Revelation 3:18-19).'

b'Do the sisters\r\nhave any place to speak? Absolutely. As the Holy Spirit leads, they have a very\r\nimportant place in the working of God--no less important than the brothers. But\r\nin exercising their grace, they do not move in a place of public leadership or\r\nauthority over men. If they are sensitive to the Holy Spirit, He will show them\r\nhow to do this. They have a very great place in the home. They also have a\r\ngreat responsibility in the witness to the world. And they have a very great\r\nplace in the church, the body of Christ. As they take their place in the\r\nnatural family and the spiritual family, the Holy Spirit will lead them to\r\nminister in a quiet way to encourage their husbands and brothers to take their\r\nplaces and move in the grace God has given them. They have a powerful ministry.\r\nWomen have power, and they are responsible before God for how they use that\r\npower. It can be used to build up or tear down. They are not second-class\r\ncitizens of the kingdom of God. But again, God wants them to move within His\r\norder for His purpose and glory. '

b"Have there been\r\ntimes that women were used by God in a public way, with men present, and it\r\nyielded good results? My answer is yes. God does not always wait until\r\neverything is perfect before He acts. He meets each person where they are, and\r\nsatisfies the hungry heart. Some women are very capable of speaking publicly\r\nand giving leadership. But just because they are capable and may have\r\nfunctioned in that way does not justify their continuing when they begin to see\r\nGod's purpose in His design. That can be a very dangerous place. According to\r\nPaul, Eve was deceived, and women need to be very aware of this danger. God\r\ndesigned women to follow, which might cause them to be more easily led into\r\nerror. Staying in a place of submission is their place of safety. God will\r\nbless them and use them mightily in that place. "

Has God Called Women to a Place of Public Ministry?

b'I think this\r\nquestion is most often asked in the context of the ministry graces mentioned in\r\nEphesians 4:11 (apostles, prophets, teachers, pastors, and evangelists). In\r\nmany circles today, it is common for women to function in these callings.\r\nWithout looking at all the scriptures used to justify this practice, I wish to\r\npoint out one principle. Are these not all functions of leadership and\r\nauthority, including authority over men? Paul gives the basic qualifications\r\nfor these men in 1 Timothy 3:1-13 (I believe the qualifications for "deacons"\r\nare the qualifications for ministers). As revealed in the Genesis account, God\r\ncreated Eve to be a helper, but never to take the same role as Adam. '

b'A statement often\r\nmade is this: "If we eliminate women from the ministry (or function of the\r\nchurch), we eliminate half of the church." While on first thought this may\r\nseem logical, I do not believe it is a true statement at all. God does not\r\neliminate women from ministry. He has just given them a role that is different\r\nfrom men, and when sisters give themselves to the ministry God has called them\r\nto, it is glorious and effective for the purpose of God. '

b'There are many\r\npassages of scripture that describe the ministry God has given to women. It is\r\nnot our purpose here to expand on all of those. But in simple terms, it is a\r\nministry of "helps" that support the ministries given to men, and\r\nthey need that help very much. God has given sisters a very important ministry,\r\nand without it, the overall ministry is greatly affected. '

b'Paul describes\r\nministry in the church in terms of a physical body. The eye cannot say to the\r\nhand, "I have no need of you." No member can tell another member they\r\nhave no need of them. God has so designed the body that even the smallest\r\nmember we may think is not important is very important. But God chooses the\r\ngrace and function of each member, and it is the responsibility of each member\r\nto be submitted to the head (Christ) and function where God places them. God is\r\nconcerned about the whole body functioning together. I, by myself, am not the\r\nbody of Christ. We are the body of Christ together, so God\'s focus is "together."\r\nBecause that is God\'s design, we dare not try to function in another way. The\r\nnatural tendency of man is to move independently, but that is not God\'s way.\r\nLet us all accept His design and move in faith together. '

b'What about the\r\ngifts of the Spirit? Are the sisters expected to move in all the gifts of the\r\nSpirit, along with the brothers? My answer is yes, but again within the order\r\nof God. The gifts of the Spirit are open to all, according to the choice and\r\ndirection of the Holy Spirit. But God will not violate His will or ultimate\r\npurpose as the church gathers and functions in the exercise of those gifts. A\r\nwoman may sense God speaking to her in the time of gathering, but that does not\r\nmean she must speak out that word publicly at that time (see 1 Corinthians\r\n14:32). The gifts of the Spirit are available to all members, every day, in\r\nevery situation, as the Holy Spirit wills. A woman will want to please God in\r\nher exercise of the gifts so as not to usurp authority, but rather move quietly\r\nto minister grace as God directs. '

Some Additional Encouragement

b"To have rest in\r\nour hearts concerning God's structure of authority, I believe it is very\r\nimportant that the sisters are included in such a way that full benefit is made\r\nof their grace. Fellowship is key to this. For husband and wife, this\r\nfellowship should be experienced daily in the home. A husband should lead in\r\nthis fellowship, as he thinks and talks with his wife about the purpose of God\r\nand how it works out in the daily affairs of their life. If this is done\r\nproperly, when a husband stands to speak in the assembly, his wife will know\r\nthat her input has been included, and will take joy in seeing her husband (as\r\nher head)express the word of God so that the whole body is edified."

b"For a single\r\nsister who does not have a father in the assembly, this may be more\r\nchallenging. But I believe there is still a way that she can be a supply\r\naccording to her grace, receive from others to see her needs met, and still\r\nhonor God's order. She can seek out fellowship with a brother, together with\r\nhis wife, where she can have her questions answered and be a supply to the\r\nbrother of what God is revealing to her. She also might find the word God has\r\ngiven her being expressed through this brother in the assembly in various ways.\r\nGod will make up what is lacking in natural family relationships in the family\r\nof God. (Consider Mark 10:29-31 in this regard.)"

b'One of the main\r\nreasons that men and women have often struggled with the plan of God is that\r\ntruth has not been held in love. Either a "rule" has been established\r\nwhich does not minister grace, or "love" has been defined as letting\r\neveryone do what they think is best. It has been said that truth not held in\r\nlove is no longer truth, and love that does not walk in truth is not love. Both\r\nare of God and must be held together. To see the intention of God worked out in\r\na way that brings glory to God takes the Holy Spirit indwelling each member,\r\nrevelation that only comes from God, and wisdom that is from above (James\r\n3:13-18). All of this means an active relationship with God and spiritual\r\nrelationships with one another. '

b'Repeating what\r\nwas said earlier, I believe the real answer to all of this is the cross of\r\nJesus Christ. When we can say with Paul, "I have been crucified with\r\nChrist," and there is no longer any desire to express self, I think our\r\nspiritual vision will be much clearer. That applies to all brothers and\r\nsisters, no matter what grace God has given them. When that is true in our\r\nlives, we will be in strong agreement with Paul in this prayer: "Now to\r\nHim who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think,\r\naccording to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by\r\nChrist Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen" (Eph. 3:20-21).'